All that stood between me and Elwood Sailing Club, host of the 2000-2001 International Moth Class Australian Titles, was 900 odd K's of open road, a killer right-hand turn FROM THE LEFT-HAND LANE at Flinders Street Station and a state full of motorists trying to make my life difficult. Steve Carrick made up the other half of the CRSC contingent - we were keen, keen as - ready for anything… well almost anything.

As I pulled out on to the Hume Highway about 7am Boxing Day morn, stomach heavy with Christmas excess, there was an overwhelming feeling my 'road-train with wings' may have been lacking a few essential items in the luggage department. I glanced in the rear view mirror - boat - good start, then began running through my mental checklist. Banana chair - check, going-out tracksuit pants - check, gaffer tape - check, oohh - 11 secret herbs and spices. The lure of a roadside KFC Megastore was far too great. By the time I washed down two Zinger burgers and large chips with 1.25 liters of Coke, the 'overwhelming feeling' now pertained to that of chundering and the checklist wasn't given another thought.

Eleven hours later when I cracked the seal on the Vitara humidicrib, peeled myself from the drivers seat and stepped into the ice cold Melbourne air, the forgotten mystery items suddenly became painfully clear - warm clothes.

27/12/00 Invitation Race: SW 20kts
Brass Mothies
Standing on the beach, hands thrust deep into pockets, we watched front after front make its way towards us across Port Phillip Bay. The starters gun was barely audible over the deafening sound of chattering teeth - it was freezing! On returning to shore and removing the warmest piece of clothing I had (full-length wetsuit), I decided to give it another day before buying a jumper - working on the Melbourne weather theory - If you don't like it now, stick around it'll change.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal, 3rd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato

28/12/00 Heat 1: SW 30+kts
Like a hole in the head
Except for the fact that my hull wasn't full of tuna and my hair was a little shorter than George Clooneys', the race was a bit like a scene out of 'The Perfect Storm'. Somewhere along the line the race was abandoned, unfortunately we were all totally oblivious to this minor detail and completed the entire race only to discover a boat-less finish line. At least it was warmer in the water - I'll buy that jumper tomorrow.

28/12/00 Heat2: SW 30+kts
Why don't you take the arvo off.
Race abandoned

29/12/00 Heat3: SW 20-30kts
Blow baby, blow
The wind had been honking from the same direction for a couple of days now and to say a bit of a swell had kicked up in the bay was an understatement. Only having to deal with any kind of swell ¼ to, and ¼ past the hour during Rivercat operating times, these tsunamis were not real conducive to river sailing technique. Upon rounding the top mark it was more like a series of semi-controlled free-falls than anything else. The bricks stacking up in my Speedo's were in such numbers as to make it difficult to sit on the wing, the obligatory flushing cartwheel at the bottom mark, however, helped to make the next work a bit more comfortable.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

29/12/00 Heat4: SW 15-20 gusting 25kts
No surfboards or Moths between the flags.
Sailing round the course was the easy bit, getting on and off the shore - now that's a different story. There were two basic techniques for coming ashore 'the crash and burn' and 'the shark bait drag'. The first being fairly self explanatory and generally only attempted once, the later involved pulling up boards behind the breakers and trawling in (one eye on the shore, one eye on the wildlife). Steve Carrick chose this day to employ the 'crash and burn' method and crash he did. The unrelenting Elwood surf had claimed another victim. Steve was seen waving his fist at the sea and yelling "you may have broken my wing, but you will never break my spirit… now where's my battery drill". Did I mention it was cold?
1st Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 2nd Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

30/12/00 Heat 1 RESAIL: S 10-15kts
Boogie wonderland
I'm not sure if it was the cold weather or my body trying to tell me we'd reached pizza saturation point, but the old schnoz was working overtime creating an absolute snotfest. It appeared that the screaming downwind legs coaxed the little green fella's out of their hidey-hole - cheek-ward, destination ear-hole. When wiping the slugs away with an open glove-clad hand the chamois type material seemed to become impregnated, reducing the gloves' friction co-efficient to near zero. The bare aluminum tiller extension became slipperier than an eel in a bucket of custard, and then some. Following the application of half a roll of Gaffer Tape to the tiller extension (GU 186) the problem was under control. All this may not seem important now, but later…
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Garth Ilett - On The Prowl, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

30/12/00 Heat 2 RESAIL: S 15-20kts
See, Bloody Jeff didn't sell off the sun?
Finally after four long jumperless days the temperature began to rise and the feeling returned to my fingers and toes. With this change in weather the once deserted Elwood beach and promenade became chock-o-block with swimmers, walkers and cyclists. It was tough trying to carry boats through the human traffic without coathangering the odd rollerblader on the way down to the water.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

30/12/00 Heat 5: S 20-25kts
Excuse me, is this Moth taken?
In-between races the foreshore park was littered with Moths baking in the now scorching sun. For some reason the passing public thought our boats were part of Elwood councils new 'Sun Safe' initiative, and started setting up their picnic blankets in the shade that any sail or wing-tramp offered. When it came time to head out for the afternoon race, they begrudgingly put down their glasses of Chardonnay and shifted the cheese platter, only to be rendered shade-less as we stomped soggy footprints across their nice tartan rugs.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

31/12/00 Heat 6: S 10kts NYE
Is that a moth in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?
If ever anybody needed undeniable proof that the Skiff Moth is a chick magnet, this was it. It began like any other sunny day down the Bay, passersby checking out the boats and picnickers choosing the most stable looking Moth to set their blanket under. Our attention was drawn to one particular shade searcher; she seemed to take great care in the selection of craft and placement of towel. After removing a copy of Cleo and a bottle of water from her bag she proceeded to nude-up, down to a mere G-string, and rub her entire body with coconut oil. Now I'm no scientist, but I would have thought the UV protection offered by a Moth mainsail was negligible - but what would I know (or at the time, care).
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Garth Ilett - On The Prowl

01/01/01 New Years Day: Lay-day
It wouldn't be an Australian Titles without spending 10 days in a tent at the mercy of mother nature, with endless crap showers and a diet of beer and saturated fats - this year was by no means any exception. Elsternwick Cricket Oval was camping central, and offered a variety of tent site options. Working on the theory 'position, position, position', I chose a lovely little site down the Chapel Street end, deep in the outfield around square leg -. It had sweeping pitch views, scoreboard glimpses with a short stroll to the grandstand and amenities. Amenities were great, shower and toilet choices included Visitors, Home and Umpires dressing rooms. Greens-Keeper Willie toiled day and night to ensure the grass was soft under foot and the urinals were full of trough lollies, just don't mention the Black Burrowing Lawn Beetle.

02/01/01 Heat 7: N 15kts
Is Don, is good!
T he simple miscalculation as to the position of a hiking strap, led to a series of events that ultimately ended with a tiller extension sporting a 90 degree bend. The need for a straight tiller overrode the Year 10 Metalwork knowledge that aluminum 'work-hardens', and in an effort to get the last 1.5 degree bow out, things went decidedly pear-shaped. As luck would have it, the aforementioned booger repelling gaffer tape had been applied layer upon layer in exactly the same area the snapping sound originated, keeping the now two piece extension intact. Apart from the fact it was kind of like steering the boat with a 2-meter long breakfast sausage, things didn't work out too bad.
1st Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 2nd Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 3rd Tim Lees - Shiny Red Cherries

02/01/01 Heat 8: N 10kts
You can never have too many pop rivits!
Even though the gaffer tape would have held that tiller extension together for the rest of it natural life, a decision was made to make things a little more robust. The extension was sleeved, closely adhering to the Australian Brickshithouse Standard ABS 2391 which means it now has the capacity to be used as a crowbar should the need arise.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Garth Ilett - On The Prowl

03/01/01 Heat 9: S 5kts
Are we nearly there yet?
Well and truly over it.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

04/01/01 Heat 10: S 5kts
And the winner is...
Presentation night always tends goes through two distinct stages. First is the pre-awards stage where everything is relaxed and pretty normal. After the presentation, the mood seems to change and the room subtly splits into the chuckers and the chuckees. The chuckees know who they are, and as soon as they stepped up to receive their trophy they became marked people. The chuckee will often be seen with arms folded and a nervous darting glance, positioning themselves between an open door and anybody who they perceive as a chucker. While the seasoned chucker will casually stroll around the room, making no sudden moves and directing his fellow chuckers with a series of head nods and eyebrow raises. When the chuckers secret signal is made, generally someone yelling at the top of their lungs 'get him', it degenerates into a mass rumble and the chuckee is more often than not bundled up and tossed in the nearest body of water. The chuckee will then emerge from the water and crash tackle the first person they come across, and it basically goes down hill from there.
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Garth Ilett - On The Prowl, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

Final Results:
1st Mark Thorpe - Hungry Tiger, 2nd Chris Dey - Hotblack Desiato, 3rd Les Thorpe - Full Frontal

Before we knew it, it was all over again for another year. Some were a little wiser, some were a little poorer and some were just a little happier to not pay 6 bucks a day to park. And so we dismantled our racing machines (Steve had a little bit less dismantling to do than others) packed the trailer, and tried to find the bloody Hume. Just one sign would be nice.

Steve Donovan